Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

Did We Win or Lose?

on March 26, 2013

womens lib

I’m a Baby Boomer and, yes, I was there when Women’s Lib was born.  Our generation of women were up in arms; burning bras and bowing at the knees of Gloria Steinem.  We made a lot of changes, and the movement continues today as women continue to fight for equality among men. And that is a wonderful thing.   But, in our battles, did we lose something along the way?  I’m afraid we did.

So intent on being a man’s equal; we confused the poor guys.  They stopped treating us as ladies.  And why?  Because women stopped acting like ladies.  They changed their dresses for harsh looking business suits and then moved on to wearing clothes that barely cover their privates.  Women today freely use language that shocks even the most hardened construction worker.  They boast about their sexual adventures and jump into bed indiscriminately. They throw their morals to the wind along with the respect of men.  Is it any wonder that men don’t know how to be gentlemen anymore?

To keep up with these changes, the men have evolved also.  From calling young women Miss, they now refer to them as “bitches.”  If they open a door for a young girl, it’s often so they can ogle her butt that’s hanging out of those Daisy Dukes.

Did we win the war but lose the battle?  Can’t we find an even balance between feminine and feminism?  I think we can.  There are women such as: Michelle Obama, Hilary Clinton, and Diane Sawyer who have achieved all the goals we worked for in Women’s Lib but have always acted and looked like ladies.

On a personal note, I miss Chivalry.  If you’ve never experienced the respect shown by a man holding a door for you; pulling out your chair when you reach the table or settling for a good night kiss on that first have missed out on some very special moments.  I know I miss those moments.

So, in our fight to continue winning the war on equality; let’s not give up our right to be a lady.  Let’s show the world that we can be both strong and feminine at the same time.  Maybe men will start to bring back Chivalry.


Just saying!

To all the men who have continued to treat women with the respect they deserve, I applaud you!  And to all the women who have earned that respect without sacrificing her femininity, you are the true winners of the Women’s Lib Movement!  Peace, Sisters!

21 responses to “Did We Win or Lose?

  1. TamrahJo says:

    I agree, but, durn, does this mean I have to stop cussin? I swear I follow the other rules….

  2. btg5885 says:

    First and foremost, thanks for following my blog. I look forward to your comments. I also like your post. The women you mentioned are great examples of achieving a lot without losing their femininity. If I were less than chivalrous, my mother would probably snatch me bald headed from four states away. But, I also try to respect others regardless of gender, until they show they may not deserve it. I am looking forward to reading “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg as I have now seen her interviewed twice. Take care. BTG

  3. sarahcradit says:

    You know I agree with most of what you say, but I have a slightly different view. I think women fought for the right to be considered equals, and that means acting as they wish (just as men always have). The behaviors you are describing- cussing, being sexually explicit- ARE unbecoming, but they are unbecoming for both females and males. Men are hardly given the same level of judgment as women…whether it be in their behavior, looks, or otherwise (a man who has multiple partners is usually applauded, while a women will be called derogatory terms for the same behavior). To me, feminism is about having the right to choose my own identity- whatever that might be- and feel comfortable in that. its about judging me by my behavior, not my sex. I don’t think chivalry is dead specifically because of feminism, I think its dead because the world as a whole has evolved in a fairly negative direction.

    • You should absolutely choose your own identity and be proud of it. And, maybe I didn’t make my point clearly enough, but behavior is what I want to be judged by..behavior that earns respect from all…not just men.

      I wrote this post because I had my arms full the other day in a store and as I headed out the door; a “gentlemen” forged ahead of me and let the door slam in my face. I just remember better days!

      • sarahcradit says:

        Oh, you’ll get no disagreement from me on how off-putting it is to witness the rudeness from folks. I feel like some people are even proud of it!

  4. Oh, boy, Cranky! What a loaded question with as many perspectives as there are women, especially Boomer Women, a proud group to belong to I must admit and I am! But, looking back, being the supermom, raising the kids, taking care of a busy household, working and commuting full time through most of it, I have to now question my sanity! What was I, NUTS?

    Lesson learned: yes, you can have all of it, just not all at the same time! Wish I had had this insight years ago!

    Young woman confuse me, too! While I admire their bravdo and self-confidence, or at least this is what is projected, I often fear they do value themselves, they don’t have a clear vision of their own worth. They come off as just plain mean . . . and are proud of it!

    I am grateful that my sons are gentlemen. And I am grateful that I am treated like a lady by my gentlemen friends. But I am also grateful that I value and respect myself as well. Equality with men? Eh! I have contributed my two cents . . .

  5. I think we won and we lost. But I think you always leave something behind when you win. Hopefully, going on, we can all just be treated equally as human beings and all win.

  6. freyativity says:

    Reblogged this on Freyativity and commented:

  7. freyativity says:

    one of my favorite posts, ma’am! i have been fortunate to know many gentlemanly type in my young years, but it’s unfortunate that they forget themselves when those other types come around, whether it be on television, movies or even the woman that walks by. They’re always nice and chivalrous to me, while in the same breath turn around and let loose the catcalls and derogatory remarks. it’s almost as if it’s expected, from both sides, in these situations. I know that personally, i can’t always be as respectful to anybody as i’d like (if i’m having a panic attack in public, i HAVE to escape, and i become rude), but even i knew to be respectful to others and our elders. if i had run into you, with your arms full, i would most certainly know to hold the door for you, and allow you to go first, or in the very least try to hold it after i’d gone through (i’m a big girl, so sometimes that’s hard, lol). I think men still know how to be chivalrous, they just do it when they feel like it. it’s situational. as for your “one kiss on the first date”, i wish i had known those days. many people feel if they don’t succumb to their baser instincts, they won’t get a callback. and sometimes they don’t anyway, but at least they “had some fun out of it”. not that i’m condoning the behavior, because it definitely goes both ways. anyway… didn’t mean for this to get so long, but thanks for your insight!~ i

    • And thank you so much for your sweet comments! I knew I wasn’t the only one out there that felt this way! One reader’s son thought I was old-fashioned. Well, if I can mix equal rights with the manners and charm of the past; then let me be old-fashioned. As always, I love hearing from you..stay well, my friend.

      • freyativity says:

        old fashioned isn’t always bad, right? in fact, i wish i was more old fashioned. it’s actually been on my mind lately- i sort of like the ideals that women were viewed as the gentler sex, and almost revered… i agree with equality, more than anything. the human spirit is what it is, and should be celebrated! but when it comes down to it… to be soft and respectful of us, even in *awe*, could not be so bad. also, i liked the examples you gave of the women who seem to have mastered the feminine with the feminism. 🙂

  8. Bastet says:

    I don’t miss chivalrey, but I agree that we women all too often seem to want to copy the worst aspects of “manhood” in order to feel equal. Far too many women choose to be “macho”…that’s not what I was protesting for. I think that women should have the same rights and opportunities for advancement as a man when they have the same talents in their given field. But, I think we are different from men, and I like that difference…why should I give up my uniqueness to be a shoddy carbon copy male? Lose or win…it’s really too early to answer…in terms of the exisistence of humanity, we’ve just begun evolving…

    • That is exactly the point I was trying to make. Thanks so much for seeing it! I would never want to see us go back to the “Stepford” type wives of the past and I want to see more progress in moving forth with equal rights; not just for women either. But, I like being a woman and being treated as one.

  9. I think you have me mistaken for someone who blogs to debate issues until they run out of breath. I’m sorry; my blogs are my views; my thoughts and my feelings, whatever the subject. I never expect all my readers to agree with my views; that’s not what I write them for. If I wanted that, I would stay on subjects such as how thrilling it was to walk my dog. I don’t claim to represent all people, and I am not afraid to stand by my words. What I don’t do, is debate; I allow my readers their say; just as they allow me to say them.

    Your comments didn’t hurt my feelings; I have a tough hide. What your comments did was what you wanted them to do. And that was to insult the writer. To compare my views with the Taliban is so insulting that I have given great thought all evening to reporting you to WordPress. How dare you! And to imply that I advocate the thinking of the scum that rape women and use the “they were asking for it” unforgivable.

    There is one thing to disagree with a is quite another to openly bully and insult a writer. You have a right to state your views without being called “creepy.” And I have a right not to print your comments or debate an issue.

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