Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

Was It Something I Said?

on April 11, 2013

laughing birds

Yesterday morning, as I was again wiping bird poop off my pretty little red car, I felt despair.

Why me, I cried out to the skies?  Did I offend you in some way?  Did I fail you somehow?  Did I ruffle your feathers?

I’m not being paranoid; the birds are out to get me.  Every morning I open the garage door and sadly count the number of bird turds splattered across my car.  The birds have made me a marked woman; while my car looks like it has been attacked by a maniac with a paint ball gun, Danny’s black truck sits unmarked and shiny next to it.

So, I ask you, what have I done wrong to have so many birds with an attitude circle my car and act like a bulls-eye has been painted on it’s roof?

I love birds, I once had a parrot for a short time.  He was so pretty; he was so loud and he bit everyone.  We gave him to a neighbor, who gave him to a friend. who gave him to his ex-wife.

I also had a adorable little parakeet for a even shorter time than the loud mouthed parrot.  It wasn’t I who left the back door open and let Tweetie fly into the sky, where he became potential hawk bait.  I wasn’t even home at the time!

So I ask you.  Where have I gone wrong with our feathered friends?  I don’t dare feed them for fear that their bowel habits will increase three-fold and I will wake up in horror to find my car has been completely covered with bird droppings.

I’ve tried putting a sign on the hood of my car with the words “Hit the Black Truck” and a huge arrow pointing to Danny’s pride and joy, but I guess the brainless dive-bombers ignored it or can’t read.  I tied a white handkerchief to my antenna surrendering to the flocks; but they still attack nightly.

If someone out has any information regarding preventing these nasty little birds from using my car as a disposal site for their crap; please let me know as soon as possible.  Until then, I’ll just keep wiping off the car and wondering “Was it something I said?”

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30 responses to “Was It Something I Said?

  1. Bastet says:

    LOL! Sounds like you need a kitten, that’d show the blamed things!

  2. mcwoman says:

    You are so funny! Thanks for the laugh this morning! — I did have an aunt who once said after she died, she was coming back as a bird and would go around and poop on everybody who had wronged her. But I’m sure this assault isn’t my aunt. She never went to Florida.

  3. Bastet says:

    By the way, I’ve nominated you for The International Birdsong Award…that was before I saw you had problems with the beasty things…and thanks for the laughs!

    • I’m still laughing..and laughing. Thanks for the chuckles!

      • Bastet says:

        Oh, but I really di…just created it this morning! 😉

      • I’m so sorry, I thought it was a joke on me because of my battle with the birds. I am honored and will pass on this award to others. One thing, the badge carries a different title than the award name you listed. Just let me know if that’s what is supposed to be or not and I’ll get my duties done asap!

      • Bastet says:

        It should be The International Songbird Award…I was in a hurry and didn’t clean up properly ;-( … I found it ironic that I’d nominated you and then you came out with this hilarious post! I thought you knew because having linked you, you should have had a pingback (or whatever the thingy is called)…thanks for accepting!

      • Didn’t know a thing. Thanks for the nomination! Give me a little time..camp is rough..and I’m behind!

      • Bastet says:

        I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. You needn’t worry…the rules are: “accept my humble thanks for the ideas you’ve given me in the recent past and keep up the good work. If you should desire to nominate others, feel free to do so.” I read your blog…I know you’re bowled over with work…it’s a no strings attached award. 🙂 But when you have time and you’d like to pass it on, I’d be happy about if…but no strings, no obligations, no questions etc.

  4. btg5885 says:

    Don’t look up. :>)

  5. Cranky, I’m sorry you’ve been targeted this way but so happy with your hilarious post!

  6. Basharr says:

    Car Port =) On a side not we too have birds and we too have come under the attack…lol Yesterday working in the yard my wife was bombed by a seagull. It must have been a special mission as we are 300 miles from the ocean or any large body of salt water….lol

  7. mewhoami says:

    I can always count on you for a laugh. It is good for the soul. However, I am sorry that you must deal with dive bombings on a daily basis. I was thinking it may be because the car is red, but having had a red car in the past myself, I cannot recall a single bombing. Maybe you can stick a bulls-eye on the truck?

  8. John says:

    I think the only answer is called “a garage” …. 🙂

  9. you need to tarp your little red car! good article. thanks.

  10. Lol… what a sh***y story! Sorry – sometimes the juvenile in me just wont keep quiet. The post is hilarious but I’m sure it’s not fun for you on a daily basis. Good luck!!

  11. I have a lot of birds in my yard, and I find they just have a weird sense of humor.

  12. My guess it’s the RED color that’s giving them the perfect target. Swap spots with the black truck and see if they still hit your car. If they do, get it painted.:) I’m just visiting but found this too cute not to comment on.

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