Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

I Don’t Mean To Laugh But….

on May 28, 2013


I just can’t help myself!

My SO, Danny, is scheduled for his first ever colonoscopy tomorrow (I call this the  “Up Periscope” exam).  For those who have not experienced this exciting adventure yet, there is a certain amount of preliminary work you must complete prior to the procedure.  These duties were outlined in written instructions from our doctor’s office under the heading , “Preparation Day”.

Now, on Preparation Day, you can have a light breakfast and then clear liquids only, until after your procedure on the next day.  Now, Danny did pretty good with this step.  He was happy with the sodas, water and Popsicles throughout the day.  He didn’t start whining until I put a bowl of chicken broth in front of him for dinner.

“Where’s the chicken?” he asked. I told him that he couldn’t have solids.

“Where’s the noodles?  You mean I can’t have noodles in my soup?” I again told him that noodles were considered a solid food and therefore not allowed.

“Then where’s the veggies?” he said.  I promptly told him to shut up and eat his broth!

Now, the next step in preparing for this exam was what the instructions called the “Cleansing process.”  For this step, our doctor called in a prescription for Danny and once I read the label, I knew trouble was on the horizon.  After his dinner, I prepared this vile smelling potion and told Danny to drink all of it.

Well, I do value my life so I resisted taking out my camera and didn’t record the many faces that he made while he was drinking this magic elixir.  Sympathetic as always, I suggested he drink it quickly and get it over with.  He promptly told me…well, never mind.  You get the picture.

Once he finished, Danny then had to drink two full glasses of water.  He started to complain about all the liquid intake, claimed it was making his stomach hurt.  I thought to myself, oh oh, here we go!  After a few minutes, he rushed off to the bathroom and I haven’t seen him since.  But, I know he’s all right, since he’s been sharing his feelings in a very loud way, by yelling through the closed bathroom door.

Oh, wait a minute, the bathroom door is opening as I write.  Give me a minute, I’ll go check on him.  OK, I’m back.  He is now curled up in bed and feeling very sorry for himself.  I asked if he was OK and he said, “No, I’m dying!  I’ve lost all my insides!”  Such a Drama King!

But, wait folks, there’s more to come!  The “Cleansing Process” is not over.  It’s a two-step process and we get to repeat the drink and the whining and the complaining again tomorrow morning.  Yup, fun times are ahead!

So, why am I laughing?  I have no idea! I do feel sorry for him, honest, I do. Maybe the laughter is keeping me from shouting out, “Oh, for heaven’s sake, buck up and take it like a man.”  Or, maybe I’ve just lost my mind!  I don’t know but I have to go now.  He’s calling me to get him some more toilet paper!

This is going to be a long night.

Note from Cranky:  Yup, another recycled post!  But, I think this one definitely needs a second chance to put a smile on your face!  Danny did survive this process and the test showed he was A.O.K. in the gut department!  He was also elated to hear that he wouldn’t have to undergo this process again for five years.  I’m just afraid five years is going to go by fast…too fast for me!

32 responses to “I Don’t Mean To Laugh But….

  1. dhutch729 says:

    Best blog I have read in a long time. Reminds me of a “experience” I had …hint…hint…colonoscopy preparation…YUCK. Anyway, I love your writiing and will follow you. Please look at my blog and read it Actually, we sound a bit a like.

  2. Been there done that got the shirt

  3. Oh my, I’m so glad you have been sharing these recycled posts! You are blessed to be busy with your work and I am blessed to be hit with these gems!! THANK YOU

  4. Bastet says:

    🙂 may be a recycle, but it was before my time lol! Very funny, poor dear.

  5. TamrahJo says:

    Before the next scheduled test rolls around, be sure to watch Bill Engvall’s Aged and Confused – – he hilariously describes his first time with this test…

  6. btg5885 says:

    CC, the cleansing process is the worst thing. When I did it, I had to drink this nasty liquid every so often the night before. When my wife did it a few years later, it was more condensed, but still nasty. It is the most vile tasting, icky consistency liquid I have ever put in my mouth. Thank goodness I have a few years to go to do “Up Periscope” again – by the way that is a devilish title. Well done. BTG

    • I actually applaud his bravery in drinking that stuff. I put Crystal Light in the mix and it seemed to make it slightly more palatable!

      Thanks for reading..always appreciated!

  7. ioniamartin says:

    Tell him to stop whining, they don’t want to have to move his head out of the way to do the exam? It worked on my dad. 🙂

  8. mummyshymz says:

    Lol! Love your recycled posts. These are gems that deserve to be re-read. 🙂

  9. Ah your nostalgic post brings me nostalgia for my bowel prep on the day before my TRAM surgery. It was also my 23rd wedding anniversary. It was not as bad as a colonoscopy prep and frankly, I was happy with the idea as was not greeting the thought of my first potty stops after major abdominal surgery. Ow!

  10. Basharr says:

    I went through this with my wife about 6 months ago she whined like mad and when it came to the FBI most dangerous criminals Public Enema #1 and Public Enema #2 She tried to back out of the whole deal. I had to hold in the laughter but at times I let a bit slip, Sadly I turned 50 in January and now the doctor is hinting that it is time to make the appointment for the “Up Para-scope” as you put it. This is one appointment I am putting off until the wife refuses to let up. =)

  11. ericaatje says:

    I have survived it too one day years ago!!! It really is terrible! I had to drink 2 liters of the prescription in an hour or so… And then the visits to the bathroom!!! Hahahaha!!! I’m still alive too! 😉

  12. barbtaub says:

    So hilarious! Tell Danny he should have moved to England. I was told to sign up for this joy ride before we left the States, and then when we arrived here, I found out they don’t do it for five more years.

    Best definition of old? 20 years older than you.

  13. helensamia says:

    Once you have been through this you never forget the experience!!!!

  14. keladelaide says:

    I’ve had the 2 for 1. Fortunately the prep is the same and both done consecutively. Danny might keep his mouth closed next time in case they want to head down there too.

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