Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

Can You See Me Now?

on June 24, 2013

old-lady-3d-Arda-Koyuncu-Grandma

The other day, I found a online magazine that I felt would be a good place to submit one of my articles to and I hurried on over to their Submission Guidelines.  For those of you who have submitted your work before, you know that each publication has their own set of rules you must follow to properly submit your work.  Most of the publishers ask that the manuscript be in a specific format and that you supply a short bio or cover letter for their review.

Piece of cake if you follow the directions, right?  Well, I was reading down the submission guideline list for this particular publication and gasped in horror.  They wanted me to submit a picture to accompany the piece.  A PICTURE OF ME! Whaaaat? Cranky don’t do pictures!

I have a Gravatar for a good reason.  I hate having my picture taken; I really, really, really detest it! I would rather have four root canals done with no anesthetic than have to pose for a picture. If you don’t believe me, you could go through my family albums and try to find a picture of me. Good luck on that search!  I am the primary photographer for all family gatherings just so I don’t have to get in the photos.

When someone traps me into posing for a picture, I grab the nearest person and stand behind them…that way only the top of my head peeking over someone’s shoulder is the solitary part of my body caught by the camera…my anonymity stays intact.

But, a writers got to do what a writers gotta do.  I got Danny to agree to take the photo (a head and shoulders shot was requested) and then started to prepare for my portrait.

So many questions had to be addressed before I would sit for the photo.  Important decisions had to be made such as do I take out my teeth or leave them in?  Should I run out and get some “Nice And Easy” or leave the grey hairs intact?  Do I paint my face and cover all those signs of aging or go Au Naturel?  Should I opt for a tee shirt or try to look distinguished and matronly? Would Danny let me get a quick facelift and consider it an investment in my writing career?

Well, I decided that the teeth stay in and the grey hairs would stay.  I don’t own any makeup (not even tinted lip gloss) and it might not be a good idea to be photographed in my “I’m Not Fat..I’m Fluffy” tee shirt.  I did mention the facelift but well…you can imagine Danny’s response was less than receptive.

Finally the photo shoot began after Danny got a quick lesson on how to use my camera ( a cheapo that is about one step up from the type you buy in a supermarket.)  Well, it actually turned into a long lesson on how to aim a camera, look into the viewer and push the damn button.  He couldn’t seem to keep those three steps in mind for more than thirty seconds, so each time I sat in the chair and posed, he would just stand with the camera in his hand and ask me to repeat the directions.  Lord love a duck!

The first few pictures Danny managed to click turned out to be shots that were unusable.

“No, honey, they don’t want a picture of my boobs.  Take another one.”

“No, sweetie, they need more of my face in the picture than my double chin.  Quit hitting the Zoom button.”

Needless to say, the photo session took a lot longer than I first anticipated, but Danny did finally manage to squeeze out one photo that I felt would fill the bill.  Next time, I’m going to Wal-Mart.

I have decided to share the results with you, my blogging buddies, and hope that you now can put a face to the words I write.  I’ve also titled the picture with my pen name that I use when I submit work to be published.  I am laying myself bare before all of you…just this once on this site.  If you want to suffer through looking at my mug in the future, you’ll have to go to where they forced me to submit a picture.

Anyway, without further ado, I’d like to introduce myself (drum roll, please!)

My Picture

 M E McMahon

Writer, Novelist and a really Cranky person!

(I gave some heavy thought to submitting the picture at the top of this post, but I feared the publishers might not have a sense of humor! :))

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44 responses to “Can You See Me Now?

  1. ioniamartin says:

    You are beautiful. You have no reason to be cranky, but dear heavens don’t stop or I will die of boredom.

  2. tric says:

    Ha ha. Love it. And great side profile photo, a trick of the trade! I too never do photos. Laughed out loud when I read they wanted your photo. Let us know if you get the submission.

  3. Val Mills says:

    Searching for those grey hairs you mention 🙂 come on now, you know it’s a good photo! Though I do love the one at the top!

    • I’ll tell Danny you said he did a good job! I see grey but I happen to know where they are and the lighting was kind to my hair. But, I agree, I would have loved to send the publisher the one on top!

  4. You are beautiful, and this post is hilarious!

  5. M E Thank you I have the same trouble finding a shot that I like, Now I see you and it just adds an extra zing to my day and I feel like I know you a little more. Keep writing good luck with the submission yet with your talent and great style you will go far.

  6. Bastet says:

    Oh Cranky dear me…you do know how to make a fantastic post, and that is a lovely picture! Finally I have a face to put to the words…and I’m sure that submission will become a nation-wide no.1 hit! 🙂

  7. Omg you’re ADORABLE!

    I hate cameras too – or rather, the camera hates ME LOL! I look in the mirror and see diva epicness but all the camera seems to show is a barbarian ogress :p

    I have only ONE good picture from like 3 years ago and even that one isn’t representative of what I look like now :/

    • I have one that I had taken 20 years ago by Glamor Shots (they make you look sexy) but it’s in my daughter’s possession and she won’t let me use it! 😦

      • Oh, I SO miss Glamour Shots from back then!! They had a Silver Screen set up which made you look like a 40’s icon and omg, THOSE pics are simply gorgeous! I want to find a studio that does similar photos yet no luck sadly 😦

      • I’m not sure if they went out of business (they were kind of pricey) or people just didn’t get it! But, it was so much fun to pose and come out looking decent…or sexy! 🙂

  8. grannyK says:

    Nice picture! I’m with you, though, I hate having my picture taken. This is a good one of you.

  9. mummyshymz says:

    That’s a lovely picture! And no way you look cranky – I think you look good-humoured and warm instead. When I read that you were going to post your picture, I couldn’t help scrolling down immediately. Now I can put a face to your posts 🙂

  10. I just love you Cranky! Now I have a face for the imaginary Cranky in my head when I read your posts. You look like my grandma! wait was that okay? to say you look like my sweet grandma? ❤

    • I’m honored to look like your grandma, I’m not sure she’ll be as honored to look like a 62 yr old Irish broad..but maybe she will!

      Thanks for reading and I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  11. CharleneMcD says:

    Love, love, love this post. I had a picture of my father as my facebook pic for fathers day. My husband asked me to change it to one of me and suggested a current one. I changed to to one of me when I was 7. He wasn’t too happy with it…lol, but it is still there.

    • Believe it or not, that was an option I considered. My daughter has our family pics and there’s a great one of when I was two. But, publishers sometimes don’t get the joke, so I had to tone it down. Thanks for reading!

  12. John says:

    Great photo … very nice in all aspects, though, I must admit, from your descriptions, I was expecting one eye and a hump … 🙂

    I’m with you on getting my photo taken — hate it! But, I’ve found that with blogging, it helps people relate to you more if they see your face …

    I love the top photo, if you turn to horror writing, you’ll totally have to use that!

  13. Now I know where those cheeky posts come from! Great and courageous move that paid off. I bow to you!

  14. Sahm King says:

    Lovely to meet you, Cranky! 🙂

  15. btg5885 says:

    You look like you would be fun to have a cup of coffee or tea with and converse. I would say something stronger, but I no longer imbibe. Nice to meet you Cranky. All the best. Since you have opened the curtain somewhat, BTG stands for Big Tall Guy, an old nickname.

    • Hey…nice to meet you too! I wondered what the initials stood for! I don’t drink the strong liquids any more so we could certainly converse over a cuppa. Thanks for the kind words!

  16. keladelaide says:

    In my mind, I had visions of a cross between both images so you look about 20 years younger than I thought. Keep up the crankies, though.

  17. Patty O says:

    Your photo is wonderful! And you don’t look the least bit cranky! 🙂 Loved this blog – especially Lord Love a Duck! My words might have been slightly less loving. You are GREAT! (And so is your picture!)

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