Oh No! Cranium Craters!

I’m going to tell you a secret, but you have to promise not to laugh!  Pinky Swear? Okay, well come close so I can whisper in your ear.  I have Cranium Craters!

Hey, you promised not to laugh…it’s true and it scared the living daylights out of me when I discovered them.  Let me explain and maybe you’ll understand.

Last summer, I decided to have my waist long hair cut into a short, easy to manage style that would keep me cool during the hot, steamy Florida weather.  No longer would I have to suffer through twenty minutes of brushing through a thick mass of hair; I could now finger comb the naturally curly tresses and I was good to go.  But, my fingers found a very disturbing phenomena during their exploration of my skull. I had developed long, deep dents on the top of my head.

WHAT???  Yes, my friends, somehow..some way..my head was caving in.

I was devastated..terrified..shaking in my tennis shoes.  What could be causing my noggin to cave in?  Horrible images filled what was left of my head.

Was Danny secretly bopping me on the head while I slept at night? I wondered with horror if a spider had crawled in an available orifice while I was sleeping and was now munching on my grey matter and causing the large gaping crevices.  Or, was it the plot bunnies burrowing through my grey matter until one day they would pop out of the top of my head?

I feared that the Cranium Craters spelled out the end for dear old Cranky.  I started to write my will (some lucky family member would get to make the last million payments on my car) and I started leaving post-its on my valuable costume jewelery with the name of the lucky beneficiary.  I started saying secret good-byes to my favorite things:  my laptop, my Tervis Tumbler, and my treasured pair of Betty Boop Jammies (I stored the post-it with my request to be buried in them in a safe place.)

I silently lamented that my novel was now doomed to remain a work in progress..my dreams of being a published novelist fizzled like raindrops on a hot tin roof and I started a draft of my last post for you, my friends, to be published on my demise.

I kept the secret of my Cranium Craters close..until a month ago when I finally spilled the beans to Danny.  He immediately demanded I let him inspect my craters to see if I was exaggerating (and we all know..I NEVER exaggerate) and when he was done, Mr. Sensitivity said, “Well, honey, look on the bright side.  You now have a place to set your soda can.” Hmph!  Yeah, well..he’ll miss me when I’m not around to make his damn breakfast anymore.

Last week, my hair was starting to need a long overdue clipping so I joined Danny’s sister on a trip to the local Chop and Run Salon.  She finished first and stared at the mirror, running her hands through her freshly clipped hair and said with a catch in her voice, “No one ever told me that the shape of my head would change when I got older.”

I twirled around in my chair, with bulging eyes and a jaw hanging just inches from my chest and asked “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I’ve got these dents in my head.  The doctor said it happens as we get older and it’s nothing to worry about.  Just another perk of being in our sixties, girlfriend.”

I took a deep breath and fessed up about my own Cranium Craters.  When I told her that I had spent the last six months thinking that each day on this earth was to be my last, she broke out laughing and asked, “Why didn’t you just ask me?”

So, when I got home, I collected all the post-its and threw them out.  I felt renewed..I felt alive..and I felt ridiculously happy.  Now, I’m going to go to my grave with my Cranium Craters but at least now I know that there isn’t an arachnoid eating my brain and that the plot bunnies are still a tame lot who mean no harm.  I’m still not sure that Danny isn’t bopping me on the head during the night…but I’ll have to give him the benefit of the doubt or catch him in the act.

I’ve learned to make the best of the dent situation though!  I found that the Cranium Craters are a great place to store my pen when I’m not using it for revisions.  I haven’t dropped one in weeks!

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