Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

Does Your Man Have Hamperitis?

on July 11, 2013


Don’t worry…it’s not a disease but I believe Hamperitis is a condition that has no cure.  My man has had Hamperitis since I met him and it has grown increasingly worse as time goes by.  What is it?  It’s the inability to remove his dirty clothes and place them in the laundry hamper.

I have picked up approximately one ton of dirty shirts, jeans, shorts and smelly socks from the floor over the past twelve years.  When I ask Danny why he seems to find it impossible to pick up the clothes and bring them to the hamper, he has a myriad of excuses.

“I was going to but I forgot.” How do you forget when you have to step over the pile to get out of the room?

“The pants can be worn again.”  When I ask what pants, he shuffles through the pile and pulls out a wrinkled, stained pair of shorts that have sat under a pair of dirty socks and waves them proudly.  “Just trying to save on laundry!” he exclaims.

“What about the rest of the pile?” I ask.

No answer.  Dead silence reigns.

Yesterday, I had reached the end of my rope.  Why should I keep bending over to pick up dirty laundry when the hamper is less than ten feet away from the man’s side of the bed?  I collected the clothes, called Danny, asked him to follow me and led him to the hamper.  I handed him the pile, lifted the top of the hamper, and asked him to drop the clothes in.

He did what I asked and then said, “So, what’s this all about?”

“I was just checking to see if you were physically able to put clothes in the hamper.  I didn’t want you doing anything that might risk life and limb.”

“Cute.” he replied.  I believed I had made my point.

This morning, I noticed that no dirty clothes lay on the floor next to Danny’s side of the bed.  Delighted, I felt that my days of picking up his dirty laundry from the floor were gone forever.  I turned and was less than amused to find his dirty socks, tee-shirt and grimy shorts laying scattered around the hamper.

I asked him how this mess had happened.  He smiled and said, “Well, you told me to throw my dirty stuff in the hamper.  I guess my aim was a little off.”

“You’re supposed to lift the lid, you jerk.” I replied.

Yes, my friends, Hamperitis is a hard condition to cure.  And people wonder why I’m Cranky!

19 responses to “Does Your Man Have Hamperitis?

  1. Danny seems like a decent regular type of guy to me. Aren’t you being a little hard on him? 🙂

  2. I’d love to be a fly on the wall at your place. I think I’d spend my entire life of 4 days chuckling.

  3. Basharr says:

    There is a space between the side of the washer and the wall that seems to hold my dirty clothes just fine.It is perfect. Why would anyone want to cure perfect?

  4. Bastet says:

    Ahhhh…is that the name of the syndrome, I know it well? We’ll put it into letters: MAHS Male Advanced Hamperitis Syndrome…if you can’t cure it…name it! :-/

  5. Kevin says:

    We have a daily migration of clothes from my wife’s side of the bed to the top (not inside) of the six chest of drawers every day. These are clean clothes but for some reason prefer to live on top of our bed during the day and at night move to the top of the dresser. We won’t talk about the war being raged in our mutually shared closet (where sadly my clothes are not winning but losing ground day by day). I’m currently planning the airlift of my clothes to the guest bedroom closet. Wish me luck!

  6. Patty O says:

    I’d be cranky too! You could always try what I used to do with my girls when they were little and not picking up their toys….threaten them with bringing a garbage bag and throwing them away!

  7. mummyshymz says:

    LOL! This new condition deserves an entry in Wikipedia 🙂

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