Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

A Nip And A Tuck..For Very Big Bucks!

on September 20, 2013


Yesterday, a friend.. relative.. Danny’s sister paid us a visit and informed us that she had an appointment for a free consultation with a LifeStyle Lift Clinic.  When I asked her why she would want a facelift at her ADVANCED age (I won’t tell how old she is…but I’m 62 and she’s four years older) she said she was tired of the wrinkles.  She claimed that when she called for the consultation that the woman told her it was VERY affordable!

Instantly, images of Joan Rivers flashed in my mind with her bloated lips that now stretch from one ear to the other.  I asked how affordable is affordable and she said she felt it would be about $1500 for the wrinkles to go away.

I kept my big mouth shut and waited.  The next day, she returned with her wrinkles intact and a crestfallen look.

“So, Sis, how’d it go?” I asked.

“Don’t ask!” she mumbled.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because the word simple and affordable seems to have a different meaning to the people at Lifestyle Lift than it does for me!”

As it turned out, the procedure that Debby Boone sings about in commercials is not so simple. After the surgery, you will look like Rocky Balboa for at least two weeks. During that time, you can’t lift, you can’t smile…hell, you can’t move your face! After your wrinkles become history, you also can’t gain weight or lose weight.

You get to go through all that for the paltry sum of $14,000!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, for $14,000 you can take years off your face.  I wonder how it is that I don’t meet more senior citizens that have rushed over to Lifestyle Lift offices waving their savings books.

Hmmm…maybe they can think of a lot of things they could spend $14,000 on that doesn’t involve pain, weight restrictions and only has a five-year warranty (I guess after five years your face drops back down and you have to shell out another $14,000!)

To be honest, though, as my face and body has aged, the thought of having a little nip and tuck has crossed my mind a few times. Not any more!  I’ll live with the body that I’ve got and save $14,000…thank you very much!

Trying to cheer up Danny’s sister, I told her she didn’t need the procedure and that she was beautiful as she was. When that failed, I came up with another solution.

“Tell you what, Sis.  Just come over every few days and I’ll give you a free facelift…we’ll stretch the skin so that the wrinkles will just disappear!”

“How?” she asked.

“We’ll use Duct Tape!  We can buy a lot of duct tape for $14,000!”

Well, at least that got a chuckle out of her!


33 responses to “A Nip And A Tuck..For Very Big Bucks!

  1. kerbey says:

    That is a crapload of money, but I do marvel at Debbie’s face when I see the commercial, and it would be nice to get rid of the waddle under the chin. Whatever your sister in law looks like, I’m sure it’s better than Joan Rivers.

  2. Sallyann says:

    What your Sis-in-law needs is a good cream. I’ve found the best anti-age cream on the market…
    What other cream do you know of that makes you feel like a five year old?

  3. bittygirl51 says:

    Hilarious! By the way, how’s the diet going? I am back on sparkpeople tracking all my food and back in the gym working out. Your blog made me think of this – cause if I get all my weight off – I will be MORE wrinkled, not less. That’s the nice thing about weight gain – it fills in all the cracks and crevices.

    • M E McMahon says:

      Oh…isn’t it true? When I lose weight my turkey neck waddles more and my boobs become almost minuscule! Doesn’t seem fair for all the sacrifice we make to trim off that belly fat!

      I just when back on my diet 3 days ago. While Dan was in hospital…I fell completely off the diet wagon. Luckily, I didn’t lose but I didn’t gain any! Got my nose back to the grindstone now and hope the scale will show a difference next week!

  4. Gwen Stephens says:

    The phrase “growing old gracefully” comes to mind here. I think celebs of advancing years who can’t seem to come to terms with aging just look plain ridiculous, and Joan Rivers is probably the ridiculous club president! There are a few celebs around the half-century mark that still look straight up hot — Brad Pitt, Sandra Bullock, Demi Moore, and Tom Cruise come to mind. Members of my generation who, hopefully, won’t fall into that plastic surgery trap. Glad your sister-in-law came to her senses. What a bunch of swindlers!

    PS – glad you’re back to blogging; I’ve missed you xo

    • M E McMahon says:

      Thanks…I missed all of you too!

      I was very lucky…and still am in that the Irish genes prevent me from looking ancient…I can think of so many actors that actually look better with age…they develop more character and stature with the wrinkles!

      At our age, Dan’s sister is a little late trying to impress people with her creamy smooth looks…and, she’s never really in the public eye anymore…so why do it?

      I looked up the number of procedures that Joan Rivers has had done and although she denies it…the number comes over 700! Is there really a Joan Rivers in that body anymore? 🙂

  5. Bastet says:

    Good heavens! That is a lot of money to pay out for vanity, and only good for 5 years…holy moses…I just think of the trips I could take and the camera I could buy….

  6. btg5885 says:

    Debby did not sing about lighting up your life with an empty wallet. Maybe Sis can go the Joan Rivers route and inject BOtulism TOXin into her face. At the end of the day, it is her face and money, but wrinkles add character and charm and right now I am getting moe charming everyday. You light up my life……BTG

    • M E McMahon says:

      I agree with you..I’m getting better with age! I think she’s changed her tune and looking at her wrinkles with a new-found respect!

      I’m trying to remember if that was Debby Boone’s only song…I know it’s the only one I remember as I rated it right up there with “Feelings.” Those two songs are high up on the “Sappy” meter!

  7. mewhoami says:

    14k? I can’t imagine spending that kind of money on a facelift at any age. Plus, growing older doesn’t make a person unattractive. It simply adds another dimension of beauty.

  8. TamrahJo says:

    I suppose $14,000 is a wise investment if you earn your living off your looks but that kind of money seems really a waste if you just want your friends, family and co-workers to think you’ve breezed through life, never taxing yourself or wearing yourself out in service to others….

    Sounds like Sis has a host of talents other than just looking good and has spent her life doing something other than her hair and nails….
    She can join my “Real Women” club anytime she wants!

  9. Aurora says:

    I was a little depressed at first a few years ago when I started getting some small crow’s feet wrinkles. (especially when I was still single) There go my looks even before I’d found someone, or so I thought…not that I was ever really all that beautiful to begin with. (At least I thought so) Thankfully I met someone who not only wanted to meet someone near his own age (what a shock!) but also didn’t seem to mind that I fell into the more to love category when it came to my weight. I think my ex had kind of destroyed my self-esteem when he not only left for someone younger, but she also literally happened to be a model.

    Now that I’ve stopped worrying about it quite as much an odd thing has happened. The more my face changes, the more I start to resemble, not my mother, but the grandmother who was more a mom to me than my own mother ever has been. I still keep her picture on my living room wall. If I am growing more like her everyday, I can live with that. She’s the most wonderful person I have ever known, and the best friend I have ever, or will ever have.

  10. I always wondered exactly how much that cost…no way in hell what the TV shows is ‘a simple, affordable’ procedure…maybe just because I have a nursing background it really struck me as “WOW…that’s gotta hurt” lol

  11. AnswerIt says:

    OMW, haha I hate my ever increasing wrinkles. $14 000 = R140 000 here in South Africa which is the price of a new Toyota Etios.

  12. so funny! But Sad too! we are what we are! Getting older is not for sissies!s

  13. LOLOL great post and fyi, my brother-in-law has 101 uses for duct tape. One that comes to mind when he was out hunting and sliced his arm badly needing stitches, but he found that duct tape sufficed. Maybe there is something to marketing duct tape for cure alls?

  14. Pete Denton says:

    Wow, $14k should never be regarded as very affordable! Speaking of Rocky though, how much do those little irons they use on boxers cost? A better option 🙂

  15. Basharr says:

    Hey Cranky, Where is you is? Hope things are well?

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