Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

I Don’t Mean To Laugh But….

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I just can’t help myself!

My SO, Danny, is scheduled for his first ever colonoscopy tomorrow (I call this the  “Up Periscope” exam).  For those who have not experienced this exciting adventure yet, there is a certain amount of preliminary work you must complete prior to the procedure.  These duties were outlined in written instructions from our doctor’s office under the heading , “Preparation Day”.

Now, on Preparation Day, you can have a light breakfast and then clear liquids only, until after your procedure on the next day.  Now, Danny did pretty good with this step.  He was happy with the sodas, water and Popsicles throughout the day.  He didn’t start whining until I put a bowl of chicken broth in front of him for dinner.

“Where’s the chicken?” he asked. I told him that he couldn’t have solids.

“Where’s the noodles?  You mean I can’t have noodles in my soup?” I again told him that noodles were considered a solid food and therefore not allowed.

“Then where’s the veggies?” he said.  I promptly told him to shut up and eat his broth!

Now, the next step in preparing for this exam was what the instructions called the “Cleansing process.”  For this step, our doctor called in a prescription for Danny and once I read the label, I knew trouble was on the horizon.  After his dinner, I prepared this vile smelling potion and told Danny to drink all of it.

Well, I do value my life so I resisted taking out my camera and didn’t record the many faces that he made while he was drinking this magic elixir.  Sympathetic as always, I suggested he drink it quickly and get it over with.  He promptly told me…well, never mind.  You get the picture.

Once he finished, Danny then had to drink two full glasses of water.  He started to complain about all the liquid intake, claimed it was making his stomach hurt.  I thought to myself, oh oh, here we go!  After a few minutes, he rushed off to the bathroom and I haven’t seen him since.  But, I know he’s all right, since he’s been sharing his feelings in a very loud way, by yelling through the closed bathroom door.

Oh, wait a minute, the bathroom door is opening as I write.  Give me a minute, I’ll go check on him.  OK, I’m back.  He is now curled up in bed and feeling very sorry for himself.  I asked if he was OK and he said, “No, I’m dying!  I’ve lost all my insides!”  Such a Drama King!

But, wait folks, there’s more to come!  The “Cleansing Process” is not over.  It’s a two-step process and we get to repeat the drink and the whining and the complaining again tomorrow morning.  Yup, fun times are ahead!

So, why am I laughing?  I have no idea! I do feel sorry for him, honest, I do. Maybe the laughter is keeping me from shouting out, “Oh, for heaven’s sake, buck up and take it like a man.”  Or, maybe I’ve just lost my mind!  I don’t know but I have to go now.  He’s calling me to get him some more toilet paper!

This is going to be a long night.

Note from Cranky:  Yup, another recycled post!  But, I think this one definitely needs a second chance to put a smile on your face!  Danny did survive this process and the test showed he was A.O.K. in the gut department!  He was also elated to hear that he wouldn’t have to undergo this process again for five years.  I’m just afraid five years is going to go by fast…too fast for me!

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