Grandma Says..

Observations and views from a different set of eyes

I’m Melting…I’m Melting!

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Yeah, I’m melting and I deserve it.  Remind me to keep my big mouth shut!

A few  weeks ago, I happened to mention to Danny this year’s summer season didn’t seem quite as hot and humid as other years.  We were getting a lot of rain and thunderstorms which kept the temperatures down and the humidity away during most of the day.  I was in heaven.  I hate the heat and humidity.

So, once I shot off my big mouth, Mother Nature whipped out her sizzling stick and now, it’s hot here…so hot!  I got up this morning and it was 83 degrees at 4:30 a.m and the weatherman predicts the “feel like” temps to be in the three digit range.  No breeze, no relief from the humidity, no hope of cooler temperatures until October.  No wonder I’m melting!

Danny is impervious to the heat…or so he’d like me to think!  He spends a lot of time out in the yard, sweating and sucking down lemonade while he performs lawn maintenance for hours.  I watch him from the window with the air conditioning blowing out it’s life sustaining air and wonder how he tolerates the high temps without passing out.  He claims that it’s not that hot and that I’m just a wimp!

He thinks that I don’t notice that he’s standing in a pool of sweat as he’s peeling off the fourth tee shirt of the day.   Not that hot, my butt!

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If you want to know how hot it is here in Florida, turn your oven on for an hour or so at 500 degrees then open the door.  Feel that blast of heat?  Well, that’s how it feels when you open your door here.  You get in your car and the steering wheel chuckles as it sears your hands; forget your shoes and walk barefoot on the driveway and you’ll find yourself doing the Funky Chicken in two seconds flat.

Now, I realize that I have no right to gripe.  I’ve seen temperatures rise across the country equal to the boiling heat here but somehow, I don’t care.  I’m hot, I’m grouchy and I’m ready for fall.  And, those people don’t seem to mind the summer since their winters are so cruel.

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But, here in Florida, our winters are what we look forward to all summer long.  I’ve lived here long enough to qualify as a Damn Yankee (one who stays and stays and stays) and the coldest temps I’ve ever seen during the winter are in the 30’s and 40’s, and that’s just in the morning.  Afternoons usually reach the 70’s and that ain’t bad, folks.

On the other side of the coin, due to the extreme sweltering and my refusal to step foot outside until we’re totally out of food, I’ve had no distractions from my writing and have been quite productive over the last week.  If you’re curious what I’ve been up to, take a slide over to “A Dream Come True” and get an update.  Also, I have cut down on my smoking because I have to smoke outside, so I’m saving some bucks during this long hot summer.

But, I’ve had enough.  I want those cool breezes they promised me when I moved to Florida.  I want the water in my pool to be less than 98 degrees when I plunge in and I want to work in the yard without having 911 preset on my cell phone.

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Of course, I’d also like to look as slim and beautiful as the woman in the picture, but that ain’t gonna happen soon either!

So, to cheer myself up, I’m adding the counter widget to this site so I can count down the days until October 15th, which is when by some mysterious weather switch, the humidity starts to leave and the air outside becomes breathable again.  This way, with an end in sight, perhaps I can tolerate the heat a little better and not be so Cranky!  Yeah, right…like that’s gonna happen.

Anyway, I hope you’re all finding a cool spot to sit and enjoy your summer!  As for me, I’M MELTING!

Melting-witch

Love,

Cranky!

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Oh, What A Night!

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I love storms!  They make me gasp, they hypnotize me with their brilliant streaks of lightning and the deafening peals of thunder. I’ve seen some great storms in my twenty-five years in Florida but, last night, I was in my glory!

Around seven p.m., the thunderclouds rolled in with a vengeance.  I was in the dining room working on the laptop (so what else is new?) and glanced up to see that first glorious strike of lightning light up the sky.  I looked out on the lanai (depending on where you live, think porch, patio or that little patch of cement you park a chair on outside your door) and there was Danny, stuffing his face with a piece of chocolate pie.

Now, when you hear thunder in Florida, you are wise to start looking for shelter (no, not under that metal car port) and sit back and enjoy the show.  These types of storms usually move through rather quickly and you don’t want to miss the special effects that Mother Nature has whipped up for you.

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Last night’s show was spectacular and lasted a good hour; it was a continuous symphony of deep, rolling thunder followed by cracks of lightening so loud you couldn’t help but give a little jump.  I sat in awe and watched with delight as the storm flexed it’s muscles time after time.  I watched Danny carry in his empty paper plate (hey, I’m a writer and I reduce chores down to the bone, so paper is good) and his fork.

He looked at me and said, “Guess I shouldn’t be using a metal fork while the lightning is so close to the house, huh?”

“Yeah, the lightning is going to aim straight for that fork, Dan.  Don’t worry about that aluminum chair you’re sitting in.”

So, taking the hint, he headed for the safety of the bedroom and I stayed till the end of the show.  Eventually, the lights stopped flickering, the skies started clearing and the thunder became a distant memory.

Now, some of you might remember that we have a small puppy and I worried that Buddy might be like out last dog, D.O.G.  At the first faraway murmur of thunder, D.O.G. would start breaking down the patio doors to take cover in the house.  You risked serious injury if you got in that dog’s way.  Don’t try to remove the dog from the house until the sun has once again graced the skies.  D.O.G. was pure chickens*** when it came to thunder and lightning.

After Danny scooted off to the safety of our bed, I felt safe enough to take a peek out the patio doors, worried that Buddy might be cowering in fear and shaking with terror.  I spotted him in his bed, SOUND ASLEEP!

When I softly said his name, he peeked up at me as if to say “What????  There was a storm?”  Love that dog!

This morning, all is still and quiet has covered our little town again.  But, Mother Nature did leave a little gift for those of us who survived the night and lived to see the sunrise.

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It’s a beautiful morning, but, oh what a night!

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